Friendships

Now, I will be the first to admit that I am kind of a loser. I don't have a lot of friends...at least close ones. And so the ones that I do have, I really cherish. So you are holding on to this friendship and everything seems to be going fine...then one day there is this terrible tension. It comes from no where and there doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it. Of course...my mind starts racing through recent events to see if I somehow caused the riff that has seemed to develop. I try to be nice and fun and same old me...but there doesn't seem to be a change. Things are going back to the way they were. To no avail....days have passed and it seems to be staying the same or getting worse. An absolute teeter-totter of emotions.

As much as I love my friends, there has to be a point that I say no more. I cannot be the one to constantly reach out emotionally just to keep being rejected. My heart and mind can only take so much. Even a doormat gets raggedy and worn down after being stepped on so many times.

I have to stand up for myself. And if that makes me seems withdrawn or bitchy or rude, so be it. But I will not continue to be the one reach out in time of need only to be rejected or shot down. Even comments with the best of intentions are hurtful when said snidley or shortly.

So to my friends, I love each of you dearly. But please don't use me or expect me to stay around if you treat me badly. It is not in me anymore to be degraded in such a fashion. I am human and caring and understanding to the nth degree...but even I can only take so much. I will stand up for myself and I will distance myself from the negative energy that you give off. I do not need nor want to be around that type of person.

At the risk of losing me as a friend, continue on the path that you have carved for yourself or realize that that attitude you are carrying at the moment is not attractive or fun or nice. And I refuse to be around it.