Life Is Weird

I am sitting here, watching Days of Our Lives and while their lives are sooooo complicated (note the sarcasm) it seems their lives are so simple. Do the writers really think that people talk that way? Or Act like that?? I mean, come on!! My life is crazy, but I don't think that ANYONE's life is THAT twisted! It just amazes me. I don't really know why...just sucks me in. LOL Living through their dramatic lives.

Started my new position at work today. New hours--they suck. Traffic is a bitch.

Today is day 30 of my cycle. Still haven't seen the old hag. Probably won't come. What a shocker. Another cycle without ovulating. Another cycle where the wishing, hoping & praying didn't work. My body fails me again. Fan-freakin'-tastic. Is it too much to want to get pregnant on my own? Is it too much to want to experience being pregnant? Is it too much to say that I yearn for a baby? It's all I have ever wanted--and yet it is the only thing that I can't seem to do/get. Isn't irony a bitch? I keep hearing "it will happen"--but you know what? I don't want to hear that all the time!!!!! Sometimes I need a hug or an "I know it is hard, Caryn." Something, ANYTHING other than "It will happen when it happens." Because what if it doesn't? What if I never get pregnant? I have to think about that! It could happen!! I could take all the clomid and other fertility treatments until I am blue in the face and it could never happen for me. The one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world....gone. Well, not gone per se...never realized. And Jeremy....he gets it easy. It isn't his problem. No pressure on him. Nope, it is alllll me, baby! I am the one whose body can't function properly, I am the one who can't extend our family, I am the one who cannot give my husband a child. Me, me, me me memememememe. AAAAAALLLLL MMMMEEEEE!!! And no matter how hard I cry, no matter how much money I spend, no matter what----I can't make it happen. So since I can't--why can't God? A year and a half has gone by. We have a good-big- car--a house, good jobs....what more do we need? Please God---Please!!

Ok, enough pissing and moaning. doesn't do any good. doesn't make a baby. lol

Ahhhh....now we have All my Children. More drama. Fantastic.